Turning the corner

What is it like walking down a hallway and looking at the ground or preoccupied and suddenly become aware of either nearly missing a pole, a person, or some danger. Maybe, turning the corner is awareness in yourself and what you have to do next, or have been guided to do.

Not everyone heeds the call, warning, or alert. What does this mean? The Universal Creator pulling, your guides moving you from danger, some unknown force saying, “Hello!”, “look out!!”.

No matter the spark, the gut reaction; you have to move. And you do!

You’re turning the corner.

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Stones that made food

That looks so peaceful

Bente Haarstad Photography


For centuries there was production of millstones in these mountains, now a national park. The production in Kvernfjellet (The millstone mountains) started sometime during the 1500s, and lasted until 1914. There have been many sites for millstone productions in Norway during history, but this was the biggest with more than 1000 quarries. For some centuries this area supplied more or less all the country with these stones.  In the 1800smostof the bread eatenin Noway was bakedfrom flourmade withthes stones, that is mica-schist scattered with 2-5mm large crystals of hard minerals. In the picture above is a broken millstone left in the mountains.


Millstones were needed to grind grain, our most important food source, in Norway as in so many countries. There have been a lot of scientific work on these sites lately. A multidisiplinary research project involving geologists, archaelogists, historians, botanists, geographers and…

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Dream of Bees

The Dream…..Bees

So like most people confidence is a good thing, as well as determination and desire to succeed in anything that you set your mind to. I can look back on my journey and look at my faults and those that had nothing to do with anything other than having to be prepared for something I have no idea about.

It is funny dealing with people that embrace you on one hand for performance or competency, and on another have those same people if not others also say you are conceited, arrogant, and more.

I think we all have our different sides we have to show to different people, in work, at home, in public, and at play. There is no denying that sometimes we boast about our abilities because we sometimes have to believe we are not as bad or are worthy of more when others don’t believe in us, so it is like a SHIELD (show how I encourage and lift my own desires) when others don’t think I deserve or am capable of accomplishing something without them taking credit.

I have and continue to read a lot of books, listen to a lot of stories, and take a lot of negative criticism from a set of people who could be as lost as I am; no one wants to feel that their vulnerabilities are exposed and they are seen as weak or not important.

To those people I have fears too; but getting all we desire and want in the “package we desire” just doesn’t always translate in reality due to obligations, time, resources, and more.

Two books that come to mind—left me with lasting quotes I will carry with me-and they are written in my diary I keep as a reminder just to the things I want to go back and read;  those things important in my search for fulfillment and understanding (Seeking the spiritual Knowledge) that balances and enriches my life.

“Poor people talk about cars and clothes, Middle class people speak of education and jobs, but the rich speak of investments, wealth, and careers (that point you are doing what you love and earning without doing a thing; exceptions yes-wealth is not always defined in economic terms).”  The Wealth Choice

“God does not call the qualified, he qualifies the called.” The Circle Maker

You know I never have an idea where these writings will take me as I start out but here we are finally to the dream….Bees

Things are going well in my life; not perfect, not certain, but a filling that I have no burden that I have to carry at this time. I made my prayers of my desires that I have to keep praying “I AM desirable, I AM worthy, I AM what you made me oh GOD, I AM favored, and I AM more than they will see or understand.

But there are evil spirits in the world- and they test you and push you in ways that you have to think and realize; do they even know they are doing it. Satan—oh let me tell you—the games—the attacks—hence the dream. I fall short of glory too—oh yes!

                In the dream- I clearly see a door that I am standing at directly in front of me—how crazy right—but I am apparently standing in another door way similar to the one I am watching myself; the room is white and plain, no real furniture that stands out except a white board. Now it is a beautiful sunny day because the room I am watching myself goes directly to the outside; unlike the door I am standing in is a room but nothing more than that but there is a door to my right which I realize later.

                So I am talking and smiling to people who do not have recognizable faces or voices but we are talking. Suddenly, a bee comes buzzing around me and I am not frightened but I don’t want this bee to bother me either, so I swat it away nicely at first; but it is kind of aggressive; so now I am like, “ oh you have to die now, I am sorry but it is you or me.”  So I swat him with a book I think, so I continue to laugh and talk with random people again; another bee arrives, “Oh I am not having this.” So I start talking all sorts of junk to this bee-“ oh you really want to battle with me-you’re a small creature that I have to take out, don’t you see what happened to your buddy on the floor over there, he is dead, do you really want to go down like that? Keep messing with me—are you kidding?”

                I am still watching myself from the other door—it sure is bright out there, I glimpse my car –no idea what it is but I see it from the inside door from the far side of the room watching my other self; talk trash to a bee. Really, what is that about I ask the inside door me. At any rate, I am watching this and think of this is kind of funny-I am cracking myself up –did that bee just talk to the outside door me? Yes, it did. What I do not understand. The outside door me, “oh bee, I hate to tell you but I am bigger, stronger, smarter, and Alpha; you are going down. SWAT! The bee is down—number two hits the floor.”

                I can’t believe this, the inside door me is witnessing a third bee are you kidding. The outside door me am also looking like what the … (really trying to not cuss). But this bee is bigger and he is talking smooth, “ I see you killed two of my friends and that can’t be let go; so outside door me is like, “I didn’t start this but I feel I had the right to defend myself.” The third bee replies, “really, tell me how those two little bees scared you owe so much that you had to talk trash and then SWAT them.” Inside door me is like oh my smart bee, let’s see where this is going.

                So the third bee is smiling but I see outside door me-looking perplexed to the point of annoyance. Bested by a bee come on? Outside door me, finally says, “let me tell you something- it is not coherent- I can’t hear the conversation but this came out loud and clear from the Bee. “You assaulted those two and hurt them because they annoyed your ears, buzzed around your head-they had a message you didn’t hear. Well, let me show you what a hoard of bees have to say.” Suddenly outside door me runs right past me and is out the door-suddenly we are one now.

                I run outside to the right door where the once, inside door me stood a few feet from. We exit the door hang a left, and round the corner to what looks like a big industrial area—but it is clean and again white—my car is not too far in front of me—I thought the bees followed and they did for a split second- I slam the door on my way out. However, as I look at the car and begin in that direction-the third bee is waiting-and he is signaling the hoard of bees to attack. I have a smoke grenade and that white board. I pop the grenade throw it in front of me and move the white board in the center of the smoke in front of me-the bees are coming regardless of the smoke.

                The smoke clears and the bees are stuck to the white board they are done, except number three, he is stunned but he slowly buzzes over and tells me, “You have done something most have not and thought through before you acted but you are not clear yet.” I am confused like no other now; but I look at this bee with a different light. I want to run to my car but no need; there are no people around us. Just me and the bee; it is so bright out. I awake but with a calm feeling but I feel there is something I should take from this.

Well, even from the first day of waking I felt the dream meant keeping my wits about me and maintaining my tongue; I don’t have to prove to anyone who I am, what I can do, nor try to explain how I got what I have and what I don’t. But in the last few weeks, I let Satan play the game, and I lost round one, this was a warning-don’t lose yourself in the masses of the hoard and let your PRIDE get the best of you.

PRIDE-whether you’re poor or rich can be sign of vulnerability when things are out of control or you are being tested. I have touted some past accomplishments but those are done; where am I, going and what am I doing today that set me apart? Well, I will focus on that answer more now. Oh yes, I will because I AM more than I can even imagine, and more than I pray. But I will continue to seek HIS guidance and have faith that my direction is the right one. FOR ME! Keep PRIDE in check and follow my spirits calling.

The Dream….Bees

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Love and its sensitivity

Love and its sensitivity
What kind of man am I? One that looks at life with a different view so to that of love and living; I was watching the Netflix original show “House of Cards” and in it or shall I say throughout the show, the main characters of the Underwood’s have a unique and sometimes yet, complicated but simple relationship. I can assure you if you have seen the show- at first glance you might think; wow, they support each other and are truly in love and have this thing figured out. To the outside relationships they are but normal. However, well I won’t spoil the plot. At any rate, what struck me tonight was the fact that there was a line or two that dealt with trust and communication.
In both these, the Underwood’s have worked very hard to make this the staple of their marriage as to reduce undue stress; however, there have been a couple of instances this has failed but they work through it. So why am I writing this today. Maybe for me it is learning or teaching point or maybe even a reminder how I enjoy life and it is not on anyone’s terms but those that are right in front of me and those around me. We all have a perception of what our happy is. In the show episode 6 season one, on his death bed, the dying bodyguard to the congressman’s family told Claire Underwood he hated her husband and he took pride in his work because of her—her voice, or seeing her—and how he felt Mr. Underwood underappreciated her. Mrs. Underwood replied with a story of when Mr. Underwood proposed, “ …Claire if you marry me just because you want to be happy say no, but if you never want to be bored say yes.” She then went on to touch the dying man’s manhood and said , is this what you wanted as he replied , “please stop” , she said; “ you gave me your truth now you have mine.”
At the end of the show Mr. and Mrs. Underwood with some ….went upstairs and the credits rolled.
So why do I invite this conversation or thought—well that is just me—always inspired by the weirdest things. I have been told I should respond in certain ways I guess in my time to how someone else perceived their view on some situation and or react based on how they might themselves hope they would if they were affected or otherwise engaged.
I write this because the whole of the show is pseudo-reality life and how people use, barter, lie, commit, defend, chase, aspire, crash, “go along with the heard or become lions!”
“I love being in love, but I also love other things, like not being jealous, overly sensitive, or needy.
― Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Over the past couple of years I have found something so simple in myself and I love it, it is amazing the things you learn about yourself when you walk away from the wrong people, and find those more suited to who you are. Now the question is what is next. I don’t know but I do know boredom is not it. I love life, I love people, I love my God, and I love having hope and faith that if I keep trying to let this vessel I have on earth serve a higher purpose, I will see the, “Kingdom of God.”
Don’t let others skew your perceptions because they want you to be like them, which part of them would you want to be—no clue me either—
I do know something drove me to write this—no other reason than to share my joy—love and loving is so great a gift, and it comes in so many packages. How do you see your love packaged? If were given to you in a box, what do you see? How would it look, how would it feel, would it have a scent? If you had to exchange love “boxes with your lover” what do you imagine that exchange being, how would you respond if the box was bigger or smaller than your own? What if what was inside didn’t fit your mood, or perception; would you still laugh, live, and love? Would you hug or kiss, or more!
“You will never be bored he said”; she walked away from the dying man and said to him about her husband, “he knew I didn’t want to hear the same lines others had proposed and there were many; she continued. My husband knew me and knew what I needed.”
That is powerful, so many opportunities and in the end there was that man who saw something in her that was different and he took the opportunity and went for it. She liked that about Mr. Underwood he went after what he wanted.
So here we are—what is it in life you are after, will you go for it in the herd or will you make your own path?
Dream without fear and love without limits!
I like that saying, not sure where it started but it is a good line. I smile as I write these words, wondering what thought random strangers might have what of that of my love, those that say they love me, family, friends; those that one day too will read my books.
I stand because I have something brewing in me, I can’t even understand-I move forward because my destiny is in front of me, I love and share my life with those I cross, “not even looking, we find” and sometimes those are the greatest gifts. Some random smile, eye contact, or kind word, makes the difference not only to the one who made the gesture but those who receive it and those that witness. Do you have a story of when someone told you, “Something is different about you? Did you cut your hair, lose weight, oh no—it most likely was love or the gesture of it?”
Well, ponder away and smile—take notes, write a letter to someone you have been wanting to write for some time—AA tells recovering alcoholics to write those or call those they have hurt or offended-why not do the same for someone you love or care for.
Good night! To those who are willing to expand their minds and open their hearts and believe= take a chance—look out what do you see?

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Journal entry of Self

There are people I always carry with me no matter where I am in the world. When I take time like this some of it is the ability not being responsible for every decision I make.
Or in simple terms having to be accountable to anyone. I don’t know how to settle that part of me–like you I am so independent and have a mind of my own, lets not talk about the various differences of life obligations and things that life enhances or brings down on us.
I prayed in January to have a stable living and earnings from good for 5-10 years minimum. well at the moment that is still not yet happening.
I am not all about what money but like you want to be paid a salary for what the perceived worth is at this time. I want to be a millionaire one day not for the lifestyle of the rich and famous but having the option of making a difference and not worrying about paying the bills as I do now.
I look at life like I would a trip made at the last minute–it is based on opportunity and feeling.
For as much fun I have with people–I want to broaden my experiences too–routines are good to a point but I know there is a part of you that just wants to go. sometimes I feel that I am stuck and not doing as much as I should; however,  I could  but that is good and bad; overall, it is a balance of my mind and heart being unsettled.
Until I feel that security in my heart I will for some time be a “bucket of experiences; sometimes full, sometimes empty, and sometimes only half full”
I never want anyone to doubt I care, love, and adore them for being themselves, any more than I want to be caged into a small group of we are “robots”–I have seen some great things with people–and have had some great experiences and more to come I hope.
I take these moments of “calendars and expectations” in stride; not to force anyone into a hardship of the mind or heart but one that allows for me to live as God would have it one day. Available to his will, I know some would argue the fact that could be obtained with more time with family and friends and more meaningful involvements, sharing and communication. but sometimes even I get distracted and need time away from everything.
Socially defected is partly who I am–I have learned to be social and maintain some relationships, but I walk a thin cord when it comes to how far I will go and who gets to take the journey–I mean the true journey-one that I am teaching and trying to bring a light of understanding.
Sometimes I want to walk away from everything and hope that God picks me to be the “light” for humanity. But that is not how it works–I have a ton of talent and ability to do a lot of things, and in some sectors no skill at all. So what do I want to do to earn millions of dollars, and to get out the rat race? Write books, hope that the job of a lifetime comes that will allow me to begin the savings I look for–taking that experience and opening my own LLC? I don’t know.
Technology is nice-and I use it well, but I miss the excitement and wonderment of waiting for the letter in the mail; similar like this writing that tells of the heart. Everything is so fast pace and right now. No matter how we slice it–I tell a few so much that they cant digest it with understanding and subjectivity it deserves, others get a hint and some days no one gets anything, but what do people truly want? someone that will act like them on a whim, or planned? When we find someone we like–we want to hide them from the world except when we feel insecure and want to prove to others ‘someone picked me’-is this all we are? Cant be!
We all have moments we are too busy–but in that it is the mindset that makes the difference—I am secure in who I am most days and to me that is all I need–today.
I don’t worry about the words and actions of others– I am a flawed man and have my demons and concerns to live with it; as my hopes and dreams yet to be availed.
All I ask if I lean to much to one way (objective, subjective, ignorant, or proud) let me know–but if I live within reason; don’t doubt my sincerity- I wont doubt you! I cant be the same for everyone (a lot of hats to wear, but I was created this way); you are you is that so bad to you? And all the other things around any of us what is most important? So many people that swirl around the lake of distrust, insecurity, pain, and selfish gain; cant we break free and find solace in knowing those that aren’t like us make us stronger?–then lets take the best of that and be content to grow those few things than endure; over the hard labor of growing weeds around our minds and hearts; and plant seeds of success, support, and gratitude-the kind of things that make us grow.
Well I hope I didn’t bore you with this–but since I had to touch on me, and how I feel; I just wanted to share where my head is today.
” I am mad that I am not able to see what I am suppose to be doing, happy that god did give me the mind to move around, sorry for those that don’t see the true me, happy that the few that do let me be me, hurt that I cant make the difference I want to today, glad that I still have breathe to Today, mad that I cant seem to get far enough ahead to sustain the living I feel I earned, and happy that I have not ended up on the street or dead, hurt because I am judged harshly and misunderstood, but glad I can control my emotions not to respond to the criticisms I don’t deserve or deserve, disgraced because I have less than I want, but happy I have what I need; tormented because I don’t know what is expected from me from God, but willing to take on the challenge when it comes; hurt that I have to depend on others at times, but blessed that when I need help it is there; lost and confused because I feel I should not have to endure one more failure or disappointment; but glad that those experiences help me help others; lonely at times because those I want to know me, ignore me; but glad that on the good days they accept me; tired of fighting for what I cant see, but glad I have a fire still in me to take another step; screaming to be accepted in a world that could care less by a majority of people who care only for themselves, but so glad I have the mind to know what they don’t; frustrated being on the outside too often, but glad to know I can view all the sources; saddened by the fact my journey is one of a loner, but honored I can relate to others; grief filled by so much I have yet to understand, but humbled that I know it.”
Well enough about me today–I wonder how my rating is overall if a survey was done by strangers and those that are close to me? Fit in, odd ball, stranger, freak, who knows–but this is just a small part of my obligations to keep living because I feel the fire of making a difference, and the burden for not accepting what is; rather than just accepting this is all you will be.
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Aptitudes_ and ones love of life at work

One’s aptitudes (talents) or gifts are found in “1 Corinthians 12”,  as you seek out those things that not only earn you a living but create wealth in order to define your cultural status or ability to purchase. You at some point, well at least some of us wonder why we are doing the job we have or moving through life using certain skills. Maybe even changing our path because something is eating at us to change.

For instance, I can be proficient with a computer doing “systems administration, or programming” but that is not my ultimate desire, I can plan and respond to emergencies but that in itself is not totally fulfilling either; today, I have found that I/O Psychology is not work and a passion for me. Though I am not in that official role or title of an I/O Psychologist my studies and experiences have allowed me to use those techniques, and skills at work.

As I have travelled and moved around the world and semi resettled in the United States I know my spirit is not at rest or prepared at least yet for what I am to become–I get a sense of something bigger and important but not yet blessed to see the seed grow into something purposeful.

God has given me a number of talents and abilities (Aptitudes) I am not a scripture expert but I do believe the “Good Book” is a guide to living as best we can amongst imperfect people in a world ever changing (some due to our negligence or care). I am consumed by knowledge (seeking) and the desire to share it (wisdom) with others not only about what may be true but planting ideas that may make some search deeper in themselves.

I am a “seeker” a “nomad” one of an old heart and love for what we would call a “reformation or renaissance” of thinking. No subject in itself can be fully explored without looking at other topics and ideas. I love when people give me ideas or share thoughts on things I have yet to explore or read on my own from my limited imagination. So many books turn me on to new subjects and options for new and verifiable or even imaginary information.

All of these things I search out–at some point I use and make examples at work at some point or in some conversation in which I help others seek something they too are unaware. In the end, I am so thankful to God, the spirits, and those willing enough to open my mind, eyes, and spirit to new things. When I get goose bumps or feel a tear of joy welling up inside me from something so fantastic __: nothing but a pure rush or excitement.

Live life as it is never fulfilled and work with passion and use your ability to SOAR!!!!

My father use to say, ” you cant soar with the eagles  “eeaarree eeaarree “and whoo whoo with the owls!” Usually in reference to staying up all night and trying to be productive during the day—but I found that my lack of sleep or restlessness is and has been wasted because I am not productive as I could be–so that I have to work on—I will endure and make an effort to smile at the heavens and pay respect to those who failed to repent now in Hell–we are all given the chance to produce and share wonders–or destroy dreams! I choose the light over darkness–may God put his hands upon me and those with a  reverent heart—to make our way through and follow our paths! He has set before one hair was upon our head.

Aptitudes and Spiritual gifts–What are yours?

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Grim Reaper

Grim Reaper

Too me the Grim Reaper Is a fallen angel still at work not necessary to take those who have found the end o their journey but one who partners with those on their journey until the end comes. Representing we are never alone on our walk.

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