So like most people confidence is a good thing, as well as determination and desire to succeed in anything that you set your mind to. I can look back on my journey and look at my faults and those that had nothing to do with anything other than having to be prepared for something I have no idea about.
It is funny dealing with people that embrace you on one hand for performance or competency, and on another have those same people if not others also say you are conceited, arrogant, and more.
I think we all have our different sides we have to show to different people, in work, at home, in public, and at play. There is no denying that sometimes we boast about our abilities because we sometimes have to believe we are not as bad or are worthy of more when others don’t believe in us, so it is like a SHIELD (show how I encourage and lift my own desires) when others don’t think I deserve or am capable of accomplishing something without them taking credit.
I have and continue to read a lot of books, listen to a lot of stories, and take a lot of negative criticism from a set of people who could be as lost as I am; no one wants to feel that their vulnerabilities are exposed and they are seen as weak or not important.
To those people I have fears too; but getting all we desire and want in the “package we desire” just doesn’t always translate in reality due to obligations, time, resources, and more.
Two books that come to mind—left me with lasting quotes I will carry with me-and they are written in my diary I keep as a reminder just to the things I want to go back and read; those things important in my search for fulfillment and understanding (Seeking the spiritual Knowledge) that balances and enriches my life.
“Poor people talk about cars and clothes, Middle class people speak of education and jobs, but the rich speak of investments, wealth, and careers (that point you are doing what you love and earning without doing a thing; exceptions yes-wealth is not always defined in economic terms).” The Wealth Choice
“God does not call the qualified, he qualifies the called.” The Circle Maker
You know I never have an idea where these writings will take me as I start out but here we are finally to the dream….Bees
Things are going well in my life; not perfect, not certain, but a filling that I have no burden that I have to carry at this time. I made my prayers of my desires that I have to keep praying “I AM desirable, I AM worthy, I AM what you made me oh GOD, I AM favored, and I AM more than they will see or understand.
But there are evil spirits in the world- and they test you and push you in ways that you have to think and realize; do they even know they are doing it. Satan—oh let me tell you—the games—the attacks—hence the dream. I fall short of glory too—oh yes!
In the dream- I clearly see a door that I am standing at directly in front of me—how crazy right—but I am apparently standing in another door way similar to the one I am watching myself; the room is white and plain, no real furniture that stands out except a white board. Now it is a beautiful sunny day because the room I am watching myself goes directly to the outside; unlike the door I am standing in is a room but nothing more than that but there is a door to my right which I realize later.
So I am talking and smiling to people who do not have recognizable faces or voices but we are talking. Suddenly, a bee comes buzzing around me and I am not frightened but I don’t want this bee to bother me either, so I swat it away nicely at first; but it is kind of aggressive; so now I am like, “ oh you have to die now, I am sorry but it is you or me.” So I swat him with a book I think, so I continue to laugh and talk with random people again; another bee arrives, “Oh I am not having this.” So I start talking all sorts of junk to this bee-“ oh you really want to battle with me-you’re a small creature that I have to take out, don’t you see what happened to your buddy on the floor over there, he is dead, do you really want to go down like that? Keep messing with me—are you kidding?”
I am still watching myself from the other door—it sure is bright out there, I glimpse my car –no idea what it is but I see it from the inside door from the far side of the room watching my other self; talk trash to a bee. Really, what is that about I ask the inside door me. At any rate, I am watching this and think of this is kind of funny-I am cracking myself up –did that bee just talk to the outside door me? Yes, it did. What I do not understand. The outside door me, “oh bee, I hate to tell you but I am bigger, stronger, smarter, and Alpha; you are going down. SWAT! The bee is down—number two hits the floor.”
I can’t believe this, the inside door me is witnessing a third bee are you kidding. The outside door me am also looking like what the … (really trying to not cuss). But this bee is bigger and he is talking smooth, “ I see you killed two of my friends and that can’t be let go; so outside door me is like, “I didn’t start this but I feel I had the right to defend myself.” The third bee replies, “really, tell me how those two little bees scared you owe so much that you had to talk trash and then SWAT them.” Inside door me is like oh my smart bee, let’s see where this is going.
So the third bee is smiling but I see outside door me-looking perplexed to the point of annoyance. Bested by a bee come on? Outside door me, finally says, “let me tell you something- it is not coherent- I can’t hear the conversation but this came out loud and clear from the Bee. “You assaulted those two and hurt them because they annoyed your ears, buzzed around your head-they had a message you didn’t hear. Well, let me show you what a hoard of bees have to say.” Suddenly outside door me runs right past me and is out the door-suddenly we are one now.
I run outside to the right door where the once, inside door me stood a few feet from. We exit the door hang a left, and round the corner to what looks like a big industrial area—but it is clean and again white—my car is not too far in front of me—I thought the bees followed and they did for a split second- I slam the door on my way out. However, as I look at the car and begin in that direction-the third bee is waiting-and he is signaling the hoard of bees to attack. I have a smoke grenade and that white board. I pop the grenade throw it in front of me and move the white board in the center of the smoke in front of me-the bees are coming regardless of the smoke.
The smoke clears and the bees are stuck to the white board they are done, except number three, he is stunned but he slowly buzzes over and tells me, “You have done something most have not and thought through before you acted but you are not clear yet.” I am confused like no other now; but I look at this bee with a different light. I want to run to my car but no need; there are no people around us. Just me and the bee; it is so bright out. I awake but with a calm feeling but I feel there is something I should take from this.
Well, even from the first day of waking I felt the dream meant keeping my wits about me and maintaining my tongue; I don’t have to prove to anyone who I am, what I can do, nor try to explain how I got what I have and what I don’t. But in the last few weeks, I let Satan play the game, and I lost round one, this was a warning-don’t lose yourself in the masses of the hoard and let your PRIDE get the best of you.
PRIDE-whether you’re poor or rich can be sign of vulnerability when things are out of control or you are being tested. I have touted some past accomplishments but those are done; where am I, going and what am I doing today that set me apart? Well, I will focus on that answer more now. Oh yes, I will because I AM more than I can even imagine, and more than I pray. But I will continue to seek HIS guidance and have faith that my direction is the right one. FOR ME! Keep PRIDE in check and follow my spirits calling.